We're facebook friends in real life
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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