I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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