I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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