I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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