Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
