My pussy is not your playground.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
