This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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