I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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