two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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