she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Did I show you my penis last night?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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