I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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