dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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