so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
