I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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