idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
