Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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