If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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