i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize