I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
