You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
