Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
