I will die if light touches me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you inspire me to be a worse person
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
