I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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