puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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