you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
