i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
