They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
