so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
