i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
