Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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