okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
