Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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