Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
