i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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