I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
