I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
