My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
is wine microwaveable?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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