Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
