Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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