TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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