I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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