oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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