no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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