Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
