I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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