Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
