Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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