so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
