I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
