you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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