ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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