I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
