No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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