This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
