it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
