I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
