well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
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I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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