I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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