As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
