He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize