Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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