Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I said "one day" and that day is not today
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
