Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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