she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
