new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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