You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
