in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
